Time to value girls and end rape culture

Marie Sophie Pettersson and Faria Shabnam write,

ROKEYA, one of seven children, studied only up to class 5 since her grandfather feared she was at risk of rape in school being an attractive girl. At 12, Rokeya's first marriage was arranged with a 22-year-old man who abandoned her after only 13 months. At 15, Rokeya left home to take a job in a garments factory. A single girl, living alone, she faced sexual harassment and returned home. Her father confined her to the house to protect his honour. At 18, Rokeya was married again, this time to a 60-year-old man with six children. His first wife soon died, leaving Rokeya to care for them all.  Rokeya had six children with him. She tried taking birth control but her husband disapproved and beat her up. Later he abandoned her. With nowhere to go, Rokeya migrated to Dhaka. There, she was tricked into prostitution and trapped in a hotel room with her children for three days. She was given no food or water while men came to sexually assault her. Rokeya took her children out of school, sold all her assets and resorted to begging. Still she was not safe on the streets. As a single mother, men would often ask Rokeya and her teenage daughters for sexual favours.

Do we want more stories like Rokeya's in Amader Shonar Bangladesh?  Bangladesh is on track for attaining middle income country status. There is a growing private sector and our government is committed to eradicating extreme poverty. Bangladesh is a front runner in boosting women's empowerment in South Asia. Look at girls' enrolment in school, engagement of women in microfinance, awareness of family planning and creation of jobs for women in the booming garments sector.  Bangladesh is well on track for achieving the 3rd Millennium Development Goal (MDG) of promoting women's empowerment and gender equality.

This is all good. But other statistics are alarming. A BBS and UNFPA (2011) nationwide survey revealed that about nine out of ten (87 %) husbands abuse their wives. One-third of married women report rape by their husbands. One percent of women respondents claim a family member had committed suicide due to domestic violence. Widespread violence against women remains a key unresolved issue holding back 50% of the population, especially women in extreme poor families.

The earlier a girl gets married off against her will, the more likely she is to become a victim of rape by her own husband because she is too young to consent to the sex her husband demands. 30% of women in rural Bangladesh reported that their first sexual experience was forced (World Health Organization, 2012). Married girls often become pregnant as early as her husband and in-laws demand it.

Many girls entering their teenage years are seen as economic burdens to their parents. Once a girl gets married off, sold by her parents for a cheap dowry, she is 'owned' by her husband and moves in with the in-laws. She has no protection against violence. She becomes voiceless. These are the risks faced by two-thirds of women  in Bangladesh aged 20-24 who were married before the age of 18 (Plan and ICDDRB 2013).

Violence affects both the female victim and her children. Several studies have shown that a mother's experience of domestic violence may lead to behavioural risks (e.g. smoking, alcohol or drug use), as well as a range of negative consequences: psychological (anxiety, depression), physical (injury, disability, fatigue) and nutritional (anaemia, poor weight gain). These factors all directly impact a children's welfare. Children exposed to domestic violence have poorer health and cognitive development (Holden 2003). Domestic violence during pregnancy can lead to: delivery complications, impaired fetal growth, low birth weight, post-natal depression, and impaired ability to breastfeed and child malnutrition. These factors often continue to negatively impact children into their adolescence, e.g. through growth retardation.  

We asked women about their opinion and experience of gender-based violence. In the North West, Malati said “a husband can rebuke his wife if she spoils food while cooking or if she defies her husband's orders or requests”. Gouri believes that husbands are superior to their wives and wives should be under their control. Madhabi viewed that a husband can rebuke his wife if she makes mistakes, refuses to show obedience to him, or goes outside their home without his permission.

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In the majority of cases, survivors of rape and violence have no means to object. If they do, they are likely to be outcast, stigmatised and abused by their parents, in-laws, husband and community. If they have the courage to report the violence, the legal system is likely to consider it their own fault.  Reports show that the majority of female prisoners in Bangladesh are women who reported different kinds of violence (forced marriage, rape, domestic violence, forced prostitution, sex trafficking) and were treated as criminals. This happens despite the Domestic Violence Act implemented in 2010 with the aim to protect female survivors of violence.

Many girls remain silent, trapped in a vicious circle of ever more violence should they object or resist. Studies have shown that as coping mechanisms many women start blaming themselves. Many use religion either to seek comfort or to justify the injustice against them, seeing it as a punishment from God.

Let us stop this silence. Let girls speak up, report violence and become educated breadwinners free from fear. However, women's increased mobility and participation in the workforce has come at a cost. The more educated girls and women are and if they are breadwinners, the more likely they are to become victims of violence.  Some argue that this happens due to perceptions that educated working women pose a threat to male authorities in their lives. Thus too many women remain uneducated, unskilled housewives. Such life destinies are to the detriment of the life opportunities and future well-being of both the girls themselves and their children. But it is also preventing extreme poor families and the entire nation from fulfilling 50% of its economic and intellectual potential.

The key to change is reversing the system of silence – challenging dominant violent men, endorsing in-laws, unsupportive parents, judgmental community members and a legal system of impunity and victim-blaming. While the blame for rape must go to the rapist, everyone else who does not speak up against rape is effectively endorsing rape culture.

Crucially, men must stand up and promote non-violent, non-dominant models of masculine behaviour which value women and girls as equals. We need fathers, husbands and in-laws to allow girls to consent to marriage, sex and having children. Girls need the freedom to educate themselves and contribute to the economy side by side with men and boys free from fear of disapproval or violence.

Many NGOs, government and donor supported projects show the violence against women and girls can be stopped through counselling and awareness raising with entire families and communities. A solution is possible. It needs to be replicated and scaled up across the extreme poor villages of Bangladesh.

These problems and solutions need to be captured in the UN Women Background Paper on Gender Equality and Women's Empowerment for the 7th five Year Plan, and in the post-2015 Sustainable Development Goals. These are both in alignment with the Bangladesh Poverty Reduction Strategy and the UN Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW) to which Bangladesh is a signatory.  Let us all keep Rokeya's heart-breaking story in our minds and let it drive us to say “no more, ar na”.


The writers are Gender Adviser and Programme Analyst and Nutrition Coordinator at (EEP)/Shiree, respectively.

Published: 12:00 am Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Source: http://www.thedailystar.net/op-ed/time-to-value-girls-and-end-rape-culture-46753